Heads up - this page has a reference to self harm as part of a joke. Please take care of yourself.
Yeah alright then.
You are now Beau Philips. And you are simply so, very cool.
You live the dream life of most kids your age - no school, no job, no veggies, nobody to tell you what to do, and endless time to play games all day. You could eat pizza for every meal if you wanted - which you did once. For a week straight. You don't recommend it, but you don't have anyone to stop you.
Sometimes you just gotta try these things, y'know? Just because you can.
Speaking of games, you've gotta prepare for one that's happening tonight. It's called sBurb or something.
You kinda hope it's a really awful sims ripoff - especially since it's multiplayer. You're gonna wreak some fucking havoc if it is.
We're talking secret basements under Nate's house and living in his walls or some shit. Maybe steal someone's crush and make them gay married to your character, who you're gonna absolutely make look like some kind of sewer creature. Definitely several murders, but that goes without saying. Really, what is a life simulator without a way to murder the townies?
You get the feeling that this game is gonna be really shitty, even if it's not a pseudo-sims. Which is perfect. There's nothing better than making fun of shitty games with friends.
But that's enough ramblings from you. For now, at least. You've gotta do a couple chores.
Or... you could put them off and message a friend instead. You might just do that, actually. Who's going to stop you? Not you, that's for damn sure.
You sit at your desk and turn on your desktop. You know the drill. A background that shows your interests, a bunch of program files, and the pesterchum client. But you're just gonna skip past all that and get to the messages.
-- candidGoldfish [CG] began pestering glamorousGwitch [GG] -- CG: heard you lost the game GG: yeah, i did. it's completely fucking missing and
GG: YOU MOTHERFUCKER
GG: you just made me lost a three month long streak
GG: im gonna get you back one of these days i swear to fuck CG: are you swearing to the concept of sex, or the concept of fuck as a swear word?
CG: because your answer will change the way i reply by a lot. GG: the swear you dumb prick
GG: why the hell would i swear to sex
GG: we're all 16 and socially isolated losers
GG: i don't think tina even knows what sex is CG: tina probably thinks its what adults do when they're married.
CG: i reckon nate's in the same boat.
CG: that boat being 16 and stupid. and or sheltered.
CG: they absolutely haven't had the talk yet, i swear to fuck.
CG: (swearing to the concept of sex fyi) GG: im done with all this sex talk
GG: yucky CG: what are you, five?
CG: but yeah fair enough.
CG: we've got better shit to be discussing.
CG: like the game. which you just lost. GG: FUCK YOU
GG: how dare you get me twice in one fucking conversation CG: your fault for reading it
CG: the moment i see the word "the" my eyes glaze over and i skip the next word.
CG: i've never been lost via text.
CG: or in person, for that matter.
CG: i'm just build better i guess. GG: have fun when the bit goes too far and youre unable to read anything without skipping half of each sentence
GG: and youll be unable to send or receive a message without completely fucking disasociating out of fear of losing the game
GG: which you just lost CG: touche.
CG: the game gambit is now at a solid 58-1.
CG: one of these days you'll exceed my score and i'll retire permanently, satisfied that my mentee is better than i ever could be. GG: for someone who doesn't go to school you know some massive fucking words. CG: first of all, you also don't go to school.
CG: secondly, just because you don't know big words doesn't mean i can't.
CG: your dumbassery doesn't equal my dumbassery.
CG: we're both stupid as hell in our own, special way.
CG: very special way, in fact.
CG: diagnosably special. go to the doctor for the first time in our collective lives and get diagnosed as stupid as fuck.
CG: "how the fuck are you alive," the doctor would say, "you're both too dumb to have not accidentally died already."
CG: and i'd say, "cosmic intervention, dr. doctor. or coincidence. i dunno. you're the doctor here."
CG: and then he'd tell us to leave his office immediately. because he has a meeting with his boss.
CG: where they commit several acts of medical malpractice.
CG: but it's okay because they're hot as fuck.
CG: they're also absolutely fucking each other. GG: hey i got up to go piss why the fuck are you writing an actual literal novel in my fucking messages
GG: do you not have shit to do that isn't distracting me from finding the game discs CG: i mean, yeah of course i do.
CG: i've gotta sweep the walls and shit.
CG: and mop the windows, i think. or was it the doors?
CG: actually who gives a shit. i'm just gonna order pizza instead.
CG: lets see how many meals in a row i can eat pizza for before it's considered a form of self harm.
CG: hashtag joke. i am not doing that again. nor am i inclined to do that.
CG: that being self harm, just for clarification. GG: youre rambling again dumbass
GG: go find something better to do cos ive gtg CG: yeah alright fair enough.
CG: see you later, dummy. GG: in a while fuckface
-- glamorousGwitch [GG] ceased pestering candidGoldfish [CG] --
Goddamn do you love shooting the shit with GG. She has never met a conversation she couldn't get mad at. And you love to piss her off. Not your fault she makes it so easy.
